Almost "killed" at birth, I have equaled my philosophy of life with my epistemology of treatment—the art and science of loving. In Confucius' terms, "to love a thing means wanting it to live." Against all odds, my pregnant mother shifted from hate to love, and wanted me to live. Although I grew up with faith in a French nation of "romantics," romantic places, movies, music, food, and a collective consciousness of love, somehow an insidious pattern of relationship, mixed with feelings of resentment, anxiety, and anger arose in me towards my mother, in spite of my conscious effort and struggle not to reject her.

For many of us, making the right choices in our daily lives is a task as great as choosing between death or life, pain or joy, and ultimately, fear or love. In our minds, it gets complicated. Yet somewhere between the fast-paced, technological modern world we live in and the depth of our hearts, Maturana and Zoller (1996) affirm that we are not only "biologically wired for love," but also that love is "The grounding of our human existence" (p. 7). Then, how do we surrender to the full flow of life and infinite possibilities within our relationships, without feeling cheated, lost, or giving up on parts of our selves and accept love to ground us, in good and bad times?

While my mother's presence brought me mixed feelings, her unbounded love kept bringing us back closer together.

Her choice for being and art of loving became such a larger thread in my life that I could not restrain or narrowly define them into the patterns and shapes of an emotional triangle. Since we cannot not communicate (Watzlawick, Beavin, & Jackson, 1967), and cannot not be in relationships (Flemons, 2004), we also cannot not love.

According to Mathieu Ricard (2007), a biologist who turned into a Buddhist monk and was recently described by scientists, as the world's happiest man, love is the antidote of violence and the cause of happiness. Indeed, love surpasses the boundaries of our family systems. It opens up into the circumference of a circle with greater human connections that weaves together all the different parts of our selves into a net of interactions for our evolution. Contrary to mainstream idea, using love as a skill, doesn't make us weak. It allows to strengthen and process life beyond the acceptance of ourselves, by getting access to the essence of who we are and learning about being in relationship with all of humanity and alI there is.

Integrating system thinking and relational theories, I now utilize love as a force and skill to invite individuals, couples, and families to shift their relationships with others, their problems, and themselves towards a greater relational maturity and love for what is. All within the boundaries of the therapeutic process, the journey towards an intentional connection with—the good, bad, and the ugly—lies in the shift to love and reach out to more relational freedom within our relationships.

As a licensed psychotherapist, and Integrative Strategic coach, with 15 years of experience, I love helping individuals, couples, and families shift their relationships with others, and themselves, and enjoy using heart-centered, breathing techniques, to collaboratively create with clients emotional balance and help them living a life of their choices. 

Josiane Bonte Apollon, LMHC
Licensed Psychotherapist
Certified Integrative Strategic Coach
2000 S Dixie Hwy, Ste 202C
Coconut Grove, FL 33133
786-553-5871
TheIntegativeWellness.com
[email protected]