by Yvonne Haase
That’s right, it’s the season to get divorced. In fact, studies show that many people make it their New Year’s resolution, “out with the old, in with the new!” The number one reason couples cite to stay together is for the sake of their children. Unfortunately, staying together for the sake of the children is the worst reason. The effects on the kids and yourself can be very stressful, damaging and unhealthy.
So what is the divorce rate these days? Fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce. And, despite many of us hoping for better in our second marriage, 67 percent of second marriages end in divorce. Is the third time the charm? Nope. Seventy four percent of third marriages end in divorce.
Here are the top reasons clients file for divorce:
• Lack of commitment towards marriage, sexual incompatibility and infidelity. Many couples feel that they cannot rebound from an affair and choose to move on. Others feel when intimacy leaves the marriage there is little that can be done to bring back the passion.
• Lack of communication between spouses. Couples come to counseling for three main reasons: sex, money and communication. Clients often complain that they feel “unheard” in their marriage or that their thoughts and feelings are insignificant in the relationship.
• Abandonment, Alcohol Addiction, Substance Abuse. Clients who are married to the workaholic, the alcoholic or gambling addicted spouse are often the last to file for divorce. They remain very hopeful that the spouse will seek help and they can have the marriage they have wanted from their spouse.
• Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Emotional Abuse. Clients who are married to abusive partners are often afraid to file for divorce and need supportive counseling with a skilled domestic violence counselor to help them leave these relationships.
• Differences in personal and career goals. Many clients report that they do not feel supported in their careers by their spouse. They state that their spouse complains about their long hours at the office, the career that they have chosen or the money that is generated by their career. Other clients report that they do not have financial support from a spouse who chooses to not work outside of the home.
• Different expectations about household tasks and financial problems. One of the most popular arguments among clients is the spending or not spending of money. Inevitably, the person who likes to save marries the person who loves to spend. Couples also argue over what is a priority expense versus luxury or have a difficult time communicating about money when there is a loss of income.
How many divorces could be avoided with marriage counseling? Some studies report that 75 percent of couples who attend marriage or couples counseling report positive changes in their relationships. Whether you seek support to stay together or to move forward, make this New Year the year to be happy.
Yvonne Haase, LMHC is a highly skilled psychotherapist specializing in couples, children and families. She provides a broad range of custom-tailored counseling protocols, including collaborative divorce parenting therapy, individual, couples, play therapy for children, family counseling, and support counseling for teens. Her programs are designed to enable individuals, couples and families to improve communication, resolve conflicts, build strong, healthy relationships, and strengthen decision-making.
For more information, visit IHCHealthFusion.com. To schedule an appointment, call 954-903-9426 or email [email protected] See ad page 42.