by Susan Sheppard
Ever since I was a young woman, I have always said thank you when someone called me a bitch. It wasn't an insult to me. Perhaps it was because I have always known on some level that the following definition of bitch is the truth.
The True Definition of a Bitch
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.
Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak up against it, I am defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.
I am proud to be a bitch! It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be. I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. By God, I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
B – Babe
I – In
T – Total
C – Control of
H – Herself
I don't know who wrote this. Someone who attended one of my tele-classes sent it to me. From my perspective, it describes the kind of person a woman has to be to get what she wants. I know you hate the word bitch but I really like what this says.
If all the women I touch in my work could learn to internalize this concept and be nice doing it, the world would be a better place for both men and women. Does being a nice bitch sound like a contradiction? I don't think so. It just means treating others openly, honestly and with respect. It means saying what you mean and meaning what you say. It means telling the truth and being vulnerable, as well as standing up for what you believe.
I have listened to other relationship gurus and read many books, and what I find is many complicated formulas and hundreds of steps to take to improve a relationship. The strategy that I recommend is very simple.
Women: Acknowledge and approve of your man. (Be Nice)
Know exactly what you want and ask for it. (Express Your Appetite)
Appreciate what you get. (Acknowledge Movement)
Men: Give your woman what she asks for.
My strategy is pretty simple. Men want to produce results, and because they don't know what women want, they can really produce more if they are given direction. Women must give up being mean, angry and vengeful about anything and spend most of their time defining what they want so they can express their appetite.
Basically, that's all it takes to have a hot relationship. Of course, there are many variations and subtexts and agendas that can be applied, but it all boils down to the very basic premise that it is the woman's job to express her appetite clearly so that her man can produce what she wants. Recognize that men are different than women. Accept the fact that sex is part of the foundation of love and intimacy. Although it's only a small part of a total relationship, when sex is not good, it becomes a major problem and can lead to the complete destruction of love. Believe in each other.
Women, where do you start? By taking care of yourself. Making sure you get your needs met. If there is no man in your life giving you nurturing, give it to yourself. In order to attract a good man, you must be secure about who you are and you must have the self-esteem to ask for what you want. I know I must sound like a broken record about this, but it is what works.
Women are so used to nurturing and taking care of others that they forget to take care of themselves. You don't see men forgetting to get what they want, do you? Granted, men seem to have fewer needs, most being happy with a bed, a refrigerator and a TV with a remote control. (Gentlemen, no offense meant!) According to the theory I subscribe to, a woman always raises the standard of living for a man. It is her job. Men are simple creatures, women are complex. We can't change that. Accept it and be joyous about it.
Relationship coaching is life coaching. Life becomes extraordinary when we discover that being absolutely committed to taking care of ourselves leads to abundance in every aspect of our lives.
Born and raised in the Chicago area, Susan Sheppard R.N., B.S., is a Certified Life Coach with 40 years of ER nursing and crisis intervention experience, overlapping with over 20 years as a relationship coach. This expertise in crisis management and saving lives served to lay the foundation for her coaching career. Her varied life experiences continue to complement and contribute to her entrepreneurial spirit and energy.
Sheppard became a Californian in 1969 and has lived in the Los Angeles area ever since. She is the author of How to Get What You Want from Your Man Anytime and Dating after 40 No More Excuses, and has a highly successful track record coaching both men and women serious about finding, committing to and maintaining intimacy, passion and honesty in a hot relationship. Visit GettingWhatYouWant.com.